1 - A simple wish

The rain blinds me. Although I’m unsure if it is the rain or my tears.

I keep running through the woods, silently hoping all I have just been through was a horrible nightmare.

Please, let it be just a nightmare.

Bryn of the Snow Moon pack… I renounce you.

His words still ring in my head and I have to stop running for a moment as my heart feels like it is breaking into pieces. It is hard to breathe.

I barely realize I fell to my knees as the sobs take over me and I allow myself to be swallowed by my grief.

He wanted a son… An heir… And I couldn’t even give him that.

The scent of the blood still plagues me, my blood, but what was worse was his hallowing voice as he realized what had just happened. I had lost his child. The only chance he had at bearing an heir, as I am his chosen mate and werewolves like us can only procreate with whoever the Moon Goddess chooses for them.

It was no secret to me that he was seeking comfort in another woman while still mated to me. It was no secret to anyone that he wished that woman to be his mate instead of me.

But I am unable to wish for that too.

Despite everything. Despite all he made me go through… Despite all the pain and sorrow. I still adore him as my mate.

I still…

“Love him…” I whisper as another sob takes my voice away.

What have I ever done to deserve this?

It was not too long ago that I was living with my father in a brick house on the outskirts of a human village. I remember I was happy then, but…

Run, Bryn!

The loud noise of those shotguns still overwhelms me whenever I try to remember my father. I was barely 8 years old when he was murdered by humans.

I was forced to live with my next of kin, but all of them despised me. Maybe it was because I am so different from them. Maybe it is because I was never able to wake my wolf. Or maybe it was because they have always blamed me for my mother’s death.

She died at birth; I was told.

A useless birth to bear a cursed child like me.

I killed her, they said. But I never understood how they could think that. Maybe I did kill her, but how can I be to blame for something I don’t even remember?

My entire life has been miserable, despite my best efforts.

I can’t help but think back on my past afflictions. How I was thoroughly abused by my own pack. They would refuse to feed me and beat me to submission until I was forced to live in a cave away from their camp.

I wish I had been strong enough to leave them then. But I was weak. I have always been weak.

I curse myself at my own weakness.

I am a descendant of the pure bloods, descendant of the Moon Goddess herself. I should be proud. I should be strong. I should be good enough…

Why am I like this?...

What have I done to deserve being like this?

“Why?...” I whisper, tears staining my face marred by the bruises of my latest beating.

I sit on the hard floor and bring my knees to my chest, squeezing tightly.

What is the worth of my life if I am meant to be miserable and hated by everyone?

What is the worth of my life if I can’t even bear children for my mate?

I’m so tired… I don’t want to keep living like this…

I want this misery to stop. I want the pain in my heart to fade. I want to forget all the sorrows.

A final tear falls on my knee as I make a decision.

This life of mine is not worth living. I was born cursed. I have lived cursed. There is no escaping it, unless…

Shaking, I slowly get up and take a tentative step forward. I force myself to take another step, swallowing any remaining tears I still have left to weep.

My tears will not change anything. Only my actions will.

I drag my feet to the nearest lake, knowing it will be deep enough to drown my sorrows.

The cold water kisses my bare feet as I get closer. Its coldness makes me realize what I am about to do.

A gasp escapes my throat as I look into the deep lake and tears flow down my face again.

Is my life so worthless that I should forfeit it?

Do I not have something or someone worth fighting for?

Images of my mate flash before my eyes, but also of his woman and everyone in my pack and his who hated me for no apparent reason.

I am alone. I have no one to fight for.

What about me?

Do I not think I should be allowed to live?

All I know is pain and loneliness, but could it be different?

Is there still a chance?

I turn away from the lake, managing not to slip on the wet rocks.

I look up and notice the rain has stopped, allowing for the sky to clear and reveal a full moon and many bright stars. I used to admire the moon during nights like these. I used to be hopeful. Can I be like that again?

“Moon Goddess…” I start. “I wish-”

I am unable to finish the sentence as a sharp pain pierces my chest. I look down but am unable to find any wound.

“What?-” I start but blood spouting out of my mouth stops me, my lungs suddenly unable to retain air.

Clasping my chest, I end up slipping and falling into the water.

I can’t move as I sink in further. The last thing I see is the full moon in the sky through the clear water before my vision fades into darkness.

I am dying…

But I don’t feel the peace I had hoped I would feel.

No… I only feel the same pain and loneliness I have always felt.

I don’t want this…

Do you wish to live?

A voice whispers in my head just before I lose consciousness.

I don’t know who it belongs to, but it fills me with a desire I never knew I had.

Yes! I want to live! I wish to live!

Instead of darkness, a strange light engulfs me, and the pain and loneliness disappear, leaving me at peace.

A peace I wish would last forever.